The Pelican Ninja

FML Post

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 19:35:00 +0000

Requested blog post: A woman asked me to write a blog about her.

I met this hot 18 year old chick at an after party one night. Well, not so much as hot as I had about 14 shots and 9 beers. Well, and not so much as 18 as multiply 18 by 3. But I totally hooked up with her. Some how we ended up at her place and I'm assuming I drove because she couldn't even talk. But when she did speak, here are some of her quotes: "Did you know the leaves on my Christmas tree never change? They...never..change!" "Lets have sex and...god I have to pee sooo bad!" "Did you think I was pretty before you were drunk?"

We walk and and sit on the couch and start at it. While she slobbing my knob she gags. I instantly smile, thinking it was my huge pipe, but she quickly corrected me, "like, did you ever choke on your own burp? Kinda threw up a little but I swallowed it. Now don't get all excited, I am not gonna swallow what you got hunny!" The woman then lays on the couch and I start to undress her. I notice there is a white pad stickered to her under ware. " Oh, you know, sometimes at my age, liquids and gases just don't stay in my body!" I was done. If I was any more flaccid my penis would fall off. I get up to leave and noticed a little dog sitting right next to the couch. "Enjoy the show little guy?" The women turns to her side and said, "She's blind she didn't see your small cock."

So, not only did my friends let me go home with an armadillo, but I was verbally abused, put down, and mentally scared for life, and on top of all that, I didn't get laid. Fuck My Life

Top 10 Horror movie in the past 10 years.

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 23:06:00 +0000

This list is not based on any ratings, reviews, or revenue. I'm excluding Guillermo del Toro because his movies of late would dominate most of my list.

10. Ginger Snaps (2000)

Do girls have it rough when they go through puberty? If it is as bad as Ginger had it, then I would defiantly call it a “curse” But tampons aren’t going to help with her flow. Werewolves on periods. Fucking epic.

9. Dog Soldiers. (2002)

With little to no CGI, this fun original werewolf movie takes you back to the Howling series, with great looking werewolves. The DVD cover is great also; it leaves you with no question that there will be some big hungry doggies in it. A note to the gore: a man’s belly is sliced open and his entrails fall to the ground. He tries to hurriedly stuff them back in.

8. Feast (2005)

Takes some pretty big horror clichés and smashes them to the ground in a puddle of blood. Throw in some sex, Henry Rollins, and enough blood to keep you quenched, and you got yourself a re-watchable horror flick for at least the decade.

7. Planet Terror (2007)

Infection, cannibalism, gore and guts, sex, ball sacks and machine guns. This movie makes great horror. Popcorn special effects and unexpected twists and funny pokes at horror clichés. Enough blood to fill a lake.

6. Saw (2004)

The Saw series is now the highest grossing horror series of all time, (beating Friday the 13^th series). The gore content is high and there is always the joy of thinking about the sounds of bones being sawed through. This is now an original horror movie in which future horror movies will be compared to.

5. Hostel (2005)

Sometime when you backpack in a foreign country you get gonherrea. Sometimes you are turned into a werewolf. Sometimes you are kidnapped and torture in the most grueling, and disgusting ways.

4. The Decent (2005)

Not only does the gore-bucket of a movie have an all female lead cast, but it takes those hotties and slaughters them in a dark, bloody cave. But, you kind of want them to survive. Oh well.

3. Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Even though this is a remake, the originality is still vast considering running zombies! They were scary when they could barley keep up with a snail, but now the fuckers are full of vigor. Enough blood to bathe in.

2. Shaun of the Dead (2004)

The top zombie movie is a comedy. Why? Because it covers everything you think about when attacked by zombies. Slow moving brain eaters? Just run around them with a cricket bat! Duh! A burlap sack full of blood and guts.

1. The Mist (2007)

Stephen King motherfuckers. That’s right. Original as always, but the ending is the best horror ending of any movie, easily, in the last decade. Beware, lights attract huge prehistoric bugs, which attract huge bird-like monsters. Most of the chilling moments do not come from the creatures, but from the humans. A showcase of humanity at its best when things are at their worst.

Worth taking up half my blog

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:34:00 +0000

5 Things to do While Infected Before You Turn Into a Zombie.

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 20:17:00 +0000

5. Call each of your friends and tell them you are going to infect them when they least expect it. It could be the piece of flesh in your Top Ramen. Or it could the 13 drops of blood in your Vitamin Water. No, you won’t taste it.

4. Deja vu. Murder your friend and bring him back to life with your zombie voodoo juice. Then, kill him again.

3. Have sex with your friend’s girlfriend. If she won’t agree, spit in her mouth and tell your friend that his woman is a whore. Come on man, I have proof! She’s a fucking zombie!

2. Experiment. Bite animals and household pets. See how long it takes them to turn. Make sure to record your data.

1. Biting people. It doesn’t matter if it’s over an argument or just to spread your zombie seed. They are now pregnant with death, and you did it the oldest, greatest way. Granted you will be doing this as a zombie also, but you will not get the emotional satisfaction as doing it as a human before you turn.

Blah

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 19:57:00 +0000

Blah is word that is sometimes used to express words or feelings where the specifics are not considered important. Nonsense. To write a Blah blog, I already established that this is going to be uninteresting and dull. I took some of the anxiety of whether or not what I am writing is worth reading. People always have expectations. One of those expectations is probably not to have mucus on your person. While sitting at my desk, I felt like I had a rock in my nose. As soon as I put my index finger into my nasal cavity, I felt this wonderful snot ball that was begging me to pull it out. I pulled the monster out of my nose and examined it. It was enormous, and also had a white stripe on it. I named it Mohawk, from the Gremlins 2 movie.

Just as I lifted it to the light, a visitor came to my desk. I quickly made a fist and acted like I was stretching. I put my hands under the desk to wipe Mohawk off my finger. After feeding the visitor with bullshit, and examining my hands for traces of my now lost friend, I get up to take my lunch. I walk down to the lunchroom and walk to a group of my co-workers who I chose to eat with that day. Day to day it changes. Maybe I think one is more boring than the other, or one pissed me off, or one is a complete dick. Or maybe one of my coworkers are wearing a low cut shirt and think, how else would someone like to spend lunch then eating a roast beef and Swiss cheese sandwich AND look at some big breasts for half an hour.

Anyways, as soon as I walk up and say hi, one of my coworkers asks what is on my pants. I look down and my face flushes. Mohawk! Fucking Mohawk somehow was stuck, clinging to my pants! He must not have stuck to the desk and fell onto my leg! I immediately played disgusted, hiding my feeling of joy having found my friend again. I told them I had better go to the restroom and wash up. There I spend my lunch time, dissecting and really getting to know Mohawk before I wrapped him in a tissue and sent him on a watery journey in the toilet bowl. My coworkers asked me on my return, what was on my leg, and I sadly told them, no one. It was no one. That's the point. This was about nothing, about no one. It was blah.

Journal Entry #3 of a Ninja

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 17:44:00 +0000

Ninja's are naturally weak. They like kissing boys more than killing or pillaging. If you are a woman, please smack any ninjas you see. If you are a man, please kiss them, they like it. So is the way of the ninja.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I used the restroom and left my laptop unattended at Starbucks, and that stupid Pirate posted the last entry. Phil is trying to look innocent, unbending a paperclip and picking his teeth. I would delete it but may use it as an addition to the piles of evidence I have for harassment. So is the Way of the Ninja. Speaking of harassment, a skateboarder threatened my life for taking his wedge of wax and using it to sharpen my katana, since I had no sharping stone. I reminded him, with volume, that only another ninja could kill a ninja. Regular men cannot harm a ninja. The fool actually chased me, on foot. well he couldn't use his skateboard because he threw at me earlier. But no one out runs a ninja, who quickly hoped on the city bus. This log would be longer if I didn't have to stop every five seconds and answer my mothers texts! I don't care what is for dinner, I'll be having a corn dog with side of sour cream. The hot cornbread melts aways the cold sour cream like a warrior of the night. Hungry now.

Tweets from HELL!

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 20:57:00 +0000

Satan spends his time torturing the souls of hell and planning his revenge, to over throw God and return to Earth to bring on Armageddon. He also tweets.

If it can't be drank, injected, snorted, swallowed or fucked, it's not worth paying for.2:38 PM Oct 1st from Tweetie

Sorry I've been absent from Twitter, darlings. God and I have been debating over who gets to keep Swayze...2:57 AM Sep 29th from Tweetie

@VicDarkwood I'm sure we can come to some agreement, My dear. First, do you prefer cash, blowjobs, cocaine, or unadulterated fame?4:33 PM Sep 25th from Tweetie in reply to VicDarkwood

Making out with your boss at the office Christmas party won't net you that pay rise. A quick blowjob in the bathroom is another story...2:29 PM Sep 23rd from Tweetie

It's all fun and games until an underage girl loses her virginity and doesn't remember it happening. Actually, it's still fun and games...6:46 PM Sep 18th from Tweetie

Q: Why are priests actually referred to 'men of the cloth'? A: They need that cloth to wipe up after "visiting" with the altar boys.1:00 AM Sep 17th from Tweetie

This is the worst Miso soup I've ever tasted. *condemns Japanese shopgirl to an eternity of torture*6:53 PM Sep 15th from Tweetie

Bored? Not getting any action at home?Have an affair; they're fun, temporary, and if you're smart enough, no-one will ever have to know...12:34 PM Sep 15th from Tweetie

Every time I click My fingers, a teenage virgin is deflowered. Spectacularly. On camera. For cash. Hell, I love My job.12:34 PM Sep 10th from Tweetie

Nothing says "I'm sorry for sleeping with your sister" like chocolates, diamonds, and a souvenir video of the event.5:57 AM Sep 8th from Tweetie

My Holy Trinity? Oral sex, donuts, cocaine. Shun the "father, son, ghost" business - when have you ever had an orgasm from that, anyway?12:22 PM Aug 27th from Tweetie

Follow Satan on Twitter for more.

There are no words...except these.

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 19:29:00 +0000

Zombie Love

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 19:48:00 +0000

Bob Brain-Pounder. That is my zombie porno name. Having sex with zombies is a natural, common thought. Not one person who has any interest in zombies can say they never had a thought about banging a zombie. Many questions are raised when the act of sex, (with a zombie) enters the imagination. Like, can you contract zombieness from your zombie partner? It’s not like she bit you, you’ll be fine. She was tied down.

Speaking of being tied down, is it rape? The zombie lacks the thought process for which it takes to accept or deny your advances. It’s like having sex with a retard. It could be rape. What will you need to have sex with a zombie? You will need to tie it down or cut off the arms so that it can not grasp you. Most likely some lube. Will you need it? Maybe not but what if you did and didn’t have it? That would be messy. So the list is, rope , ax and/or saw, lube, protection. The protection in the shape of a gun, in case it gets too close to biting you or you lose control of the situation. If you have to shoot the zombie, be a sport and do NOT have sex with the corpse. That’s just fucking wrong.

It's not fair.

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 22:42:00 +0000

Caster Semenya ran in the World Athletics Championships. She did more than run, she bolted. She beat her own record, which was already the fastest of the year. But there were doubts. The International Association of Athletics Federations (IAAF) asked Semenya to undergo a gender test after the win. Most athletes will decline to protect and maintain their privacy. But Caster Semenya knows who she is, "I didn't do this to prove a point but rather to have fun….I see it all as a joke, it doesn't upset me. God made me the way I am and I accept myself.” Tests results were announced today for the 18 year old South African female…..or male.

Semenya has no womb, no ovaries and testosterone levels are more than three times higher than those of a normal female. Also, Semenya has internal testes - the male sexual organs that produce testosterone. Now the question and debate is what to do with the medals? She is still a female, but what about the other runners? Was it fair to get a silver metal because the other female had so much testosterone? Semenya was obviously born this way, is it fair that she be penalized for doing what she loves? Here is what I think. I think the medals should go back. Not because I think she is a man, but because I think that’s not the big issue. They are just medals. What is important is Caster Semenya’s health. Too much testosterone kills brain cells. In fact, too much of it causes cells to self-destruct in a process similar to that seen in brain illnesses such as Alzheimer's. From her photo shoot, I can see she IS a beautiful woman. I hope between the IAAF, the bigoted asinine people online, that Caster is not afraid to still stand tall and proud, and continue to call herself a female. Because that is what she was born as, and if she wants to be female, that is what she is.

Tweet from porn stars with big twits.

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 17:31:00 +0000

Courney Cummz

Bio: Porn star babies!! Been in the adult biz for almost five years. Come to see me when I am in your town!

I just sneezed down my sleeve10:00 PM h from TwitterFon

$1.95 to see me fuck my own ass at ----------- from web

Meeting with IRS ! Make sure u double check your taxes!!12 minutes ago from TwitterFon

@TwiceR in ready! I just burnt my lips with my hitachi again! Damn it!from TwitterFon in reply to TwiceR

Mandy May

Bio :Adult entertainment Artist expressing through kinky sex, naughty pics, art & vids

Tired after my 5 am masterbation session the video will be up soon about 1 hour ago from UberTwitter

Just killed two different bugs in my room, today will be interesting5:11 AM from UberTwitter

@ballztwo I am I'm trying to be optimistic 8:15 PM from UberTwitter in reply to ballztwo

Honey Tits

Bio: I'm sweet and horny and I love everybody :) I will follow you back if you make your presence known!

And I have not even climaxed once today, honestly!11:04 PM from TwitterBerry

I'm baking cookies in my underwear :)11:22 AM from web

I want cock! I want cock6:18 AM from UberTwitter

I want cheese cake! Or Chinese food yummy!8:59 AM from UberTwitter

Nikki Benz

Bio The Only Nikki Benz a.k.a. The BENZ

Watch me naked live about 23 hours ago from web

I just got a speeding ticket8:16 AM from Tweetie

Colonics....yes really :)12:01 PM from Tweetie

"Just throw it in the bag!"8:39 PM from Tweetie

Journal Entry #2 of a Ninja

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 21:21:00 +0000

At Starbuck’s drinking a venti Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha. I can smell Phil’s nasty smoke breath from the Aquafina water machine. Phil is a buffoon of a pirate. He never wears a hat to cover his greasy hair. If you think he wears an eye patch, you’d be wrong. By the way he walks I think he pretends to have a wooden leg, but ends up walking like a penguin. He believes that hanging out in a coffee shop waiting for people to leave their laptops unattended so he can mess with them, is the same as plundering and pillaging. His clothing scheme is good though. The grey, black, and brown are fearfully appealing.
Had another job interview go south. Apparently, “Assassinations of Emperors” is not a skill Target is looking for. Words to take out of résumé: baneful, lethal, calamitous, shadow walker, and organized. Or maybe leave baneful in. I’ll ask Mom. Fuck, I gotta end this early, Phil just took off with my Mega Ginger Cookie like the douche he is.

WWF Ad....Not that tasteless

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 16:41:00 +0000

Caption: The tsunami killed 100 times more people than 9/11. The planet is brutally powerful. Respect it. Preserve it. www.wwf.org

The tsunami this ad is referring to is the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami, killing over 220,000 people in 11 different countries. This ad is all over the internet. The WWF says that they did not create this ad, condone, or agree with the ad in anyway. In fact, after they found out who actually leaked the ad, they may seek legal action against them. Putting aside the feelings I have with how much involvement the WWF really has/had with the ad, I don't find it as tasteless and horrid as, it seems, most others.

First off, natural disaster vs. terrorist attack. Are the victims different? Did they suffer more/less? If it was a terrorist attack that killed 220,000 over there, would the ad still be as offensive? What if the tsunami hit US and killed hundred of thousands of people? What would happen is that the tsunami would instantly have a name that the whole world would know. No one could write a book, or make a movie about the tragedy for at least a year or two. But I believe, because of its location the tsunami was vastly over looked and to this day is not widely recognized. Most of the people who see the ad above don't even know what tsunami they are referring too.

Second, I don't think the ad trivializes the actual event that took place on 9/11. One event is worse than the other. Most people would probably say 9/11 is, but no. Just because it happened in the US, just because the government/terrorist did it, doesn't make it the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. Hundreds die/beaten/raped by terrorist everyday. But it doesn't happen in the US. That's the difference. This ad is truth. People never want to make the comparison, but it is. The only real difference is that it happened at home. The difference is not how they died, its where. I don't think it’s wrong to feel that way. We love our country, our people. But I think it’s wrong to not let other people feel that way. If Thailand wants to put this ad all over their city, there should be no protests here.

Make a donation to World Food Programme. In emergencies , they get food to where it is needed, saving the lives of victims of war, civil conflict and natural disasters. After the cause of an emergency has passed, they use food to help communities rebuild their shattered lives.

WFP is part of the United Nations system and is voluntarily funded.

What if.....D vs M?

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 16:59:00 +0000

In a far realm, an absurd fate takes place. Two teams meet. The Baxter Building looks almost alive with the amount of activity crawling floor to floor. The Fantastic Four, or rather three now, has lost the Invisible Woman. Mister Fantastic developed a device that would follow cosmic radiation. The trail led them to Central park. They noticed a tree stump where the trail cuts off. Mister Fantastic, the Thing and the Human Torch all jump down the tree stump. They land is a forest with nicely kept roads and signs. One of them read, “Hundred Acre Wood”.

As they walk the trail, Owl is watching them from above. He quickly flies to warn the others. The characters all meet together. Gopher tries to convince the others that these people are there to kill them. Pooh sends Piglet, since he has the cutest and least terrifying appearance, to try to talk with the outsiders to see their intentions. Piglet sees two visitors and decides to jump on a nearby rock to say hello. The Thing is frightened by Piglets approach, and grabs him off his shoulder and tosses him. The throw is so hard Piglets’ head falls to the ground in a pool of cloth. The three super hero’s look at each other questionably.

All of the sudden, Gopher pops out of the ground, pulling the Human Touch’s feet from beneath him. Fantastic goes to assist him, but Owl sweeps down from above, grabbing his flesh with his sharp claws and begins to fly away, stretching, and stretching him. Thing stands dumbfounded until Tiger pounces on his head. Looking up and caught off guard, Kanga kicks Thing to the ground, and Her, Roo, and Tiger, pounce him into the earth. Gopher is still continuing his assault on the Torch, popping up all over the ground, throwing rocks as Pooh throws empty pots, breaking them onto the Torch’s head.

The Torch jumps in the air, blasts into flames and flies off to Owl. He torches Owl till he is nothing but a few feathers floating down to the ground. Mister Fantastic whips back and knocks Pooh into a tree. Torch flies back down and throws flames into the holes left by the Gopher. A terrible scream of pain comes from the ground. Kanga grabs Roo and begins to hop away. Roo can be heard crying, “But mama!” The three run for the exit and escape back to Central Park. But in a distant house, in the basement, the Invisible woman, who is very visible, is tied naked to a wall. Blood trickling from her mouth down to her breasts. A tail is pinned to her bloody midsection. Eeyore is setting, smoking at his computer. What if?

Life in a comic strip

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 18:08:00 +0000

It's interesting that so many of life's difficult obstacles can be described in a couple of blocks containing words. Apathy, ludicrous, hilarious, negligence, and suicide.

Kiss my View's

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 01:36:00 +0000

Mehgan McCain is going to be guest hosting the View for three days starting September 9th. Apparently, the troll Elisabeth Hasselbeck, had another child. Pretty soon, she'll have her own football team of hate-mongering, fowl mannered, unjustly opinionated fucktards to spread her will. The way she acts on that show and her beastly opinions tell me that her children are fucked. mentally, they will not survive. I just had to point this out. Fuck Elisabeth Hasselbeck. I bet you did copy that book, you hateful Medusa-looking fish. Now, back to Mehgan. She has some balls on Twitter. Meaning, I think she really says what she feels. I know the View is looking for controversy, and they will not find it with Mehgan. She is going to smile and nod, and repeat already said statements by the other hosts and agree. Unless someone says something about daddy. Tuning in on the View while Mehgan is on, the only thing I will be looking for is a low cut shirt. Not going to find any hot and heavy debate. If you want to see why I want to look down her shirt, I posted a picture of her.

How NOT to run a gaming website.

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 04:55:00 +0000

Need a website with updated gaming techniques, information and news, and discuss your opinions on a forum? Well, don't visit My Inside Gamer. An article was written by a child, (with a commanding moniker, Dream) regarding the clairvoyant view, and lack of success of the upcoming Modern Warfare 2. Now, it's alright to laugh at adolescent for their inane, laughable opinions, but Robert Bowling, the Director of Communications / Community Manager for Infinity Ward, dropped by the site to state his opinion.

"@Dream - I can see where your coming from. Maybe we don't have as much focus on this title as previous ones. That doesn't stop it from being just as good. Also, id we have map packs in development, whats that to worry about? We're Infinity Ward the BEST publisher. We can do what we want when we want and we'll get the results we're after. "

This is NOT Robert's post. As you will read, the snob child edited his post. Robert was very amiable and didn't even call him a noob. I know he wanted too. Dream posts this in regards to Robert's response,

"Wow, it feels like nearly everyone has read my article about Modern Warfare 2’s upcoming FAIL, but to spam the comments like that is sort of sad. Apparantly, fourzerotwo (or something) a big Infinity Ward dude registered and flamed back. Wow well done IW, how amature was that! Congrats! As for the fourzerotwo guy, was that really him? I’m not fully convinced."

But it does not stop there. Since getting courage from thinking that fourzerotwo was not Robert Bowling from Infinity Ward, he sent an email to him.

" Dear fourthreefivenineeightsevensix, Sorry, I forgot your name. I seen you have been trolling my site, and I will not allow you to post. Each comment you post will be edited in favor of me and will make Infinity Ward look BAD. So please continue to post so I can edit your comments. Or else I can change your password and comment for you? Your choice. Get the message already? Good."

I know the gaming community is always looking to expand and communicate with other gamers. We stick together and want to share everything about gaming. We also want to express our opinions. Which is what Little Dreamer was doing. Fourzerotwo was also doing this. But gamers, know this. If you are seeking these things, do not visit that website. Not only do little boys threaten Infintiy Ward executives, but they will change your post so it fits to their agenda. Also, do some research before you join a site. I'm sure if half the people on My Inside Gamer knew that some insultful, half-witted little 15 year old gaymer was contributing to the site, they might look else where. Follow Robert Bowling on Twitter and on Facebook

Journal Entry #1 of a Ninja

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 17:53:00 +0000

So, this morning I got up, made breakfast, watched T.V, updated my twitter, and began to dress myself for today’s stealthy exploits. After hours of struggling, I found out that I can’t wear my socks with the Tabi boots because that stupid split in the toes. I get why they are in sandals, you know, to keep them on your feet. But the Tabi’s are boots! Anyways, now I use my socks to wrap my nunchucks in so that the Family Guy stickers don’t scratch off.

Spent 6 hours hollowing out eggs. Fashioned only 3. Well, 2, because I dropped one after trying to fill them with blinding dust. Blinded myself with the chili powder. Was on a mission tonight and stopped by police. I know my rights. When I asked why I was being questioned, the pig responded because I looked “Suspicious”. You dirty rotten copper. I was released because I had no warrants, weapons, and appeared to be in a stereo-typical ninja costume.

The next day, I went out to breakfast. I was stopped by a gang, or maybe they were kids waiting at the bus stop, but I threw my vanishing power at them, which is a bag on nickels. As a Ninja, you have to study your environment. I live in a poor neighborhood, so throwing the loose change makes a for sure getaway. Denny’s was packed.

"I'm the best there is at what I do, but what I do isn't very nice,"

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 16:55:00 +0000

Hugh Jackman told MTV that Wolverine 2 will take place in Japan, following Frank Miller’s and Chris Claremount’s story arc. What kind of movie will this be? The plot? From the comics, you might find a theme. The following is how I think the movie will play out. Wolverine meets a Japanese woman named Mariko and they fall in love. Mariko’s father, Lord Shingen, in old Japanese tradition makes Mariko marry a crime boss who beats the hell out of Mariko. Wolverine, not being one of tradition, does what he does best and takes back Mariko, the hard way.

Lord Shingen formally requests a duel with Wolverine, but somehow, Wolverine is poisoned. Along with Shingen’s extensive knowledge of human anatomy and pressure points, he almost kills Wolverine. But Wolverine uses his claws and kills Lord Shingen. But to everyone else, including Mariko, it looks like Wolverine cheated unsheathing his blades, and suffers the effects of being dishonored in

Japan

. The Silver Samurai, looking to get revenge and honor restored to his father and family's name, he seeks out Wolverine. But Wolverine is not up to the fight. Until Yukio, ( who has been with him all along, following him and being annoying) tells him that she was the one hired to kill him and she poisoned him. She reveals this because she developed a crush on him. Wolverine has to prove to Mariko that, even though deep inside he is a beast, he has honor and confronts Silver Samurai to end the evil Yashida reign and bring in the good Yashida, as Mariko takes over her fathers rule in Japan and turns the clan away from crime.. Maybe throw in the Hand somewhere, and you got a hell of a story line. Wolverine, at first, doesn’t take how serious tradition is when courting Mariko. Either after leaving Mariko to rule, or she dies, he and decides to leave

Japan

.

I don't think they will follow the story arc page for page. They never have. But if Hugh says this is the story arc they are using, and then you can expect it to play out like this. Which is great. You get to see Wolverine in an environment opposite of himself. Tradition vs. innovation. After seeing Wolverine achieve a power that makes him seem invincible, you see him lose his power and fight man to man. No mutant overload. Just a story of honor, love, both which you think Wolverine would never know. And you just love the big asshole for it.

You Eff See 102

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 18:10:00 +0000

I want to take a little time talking about UFC 101. Run Forrest, Run. That is all. I am really wired and juiced up for UFC 102. Matt Hamill is a personal favorite of mine based mostly on his personality in the ring. I also enjoy watching Brandon Vera. He is damn entertaining. But Matt the Hammer is out on injury and is replaced by Krzysztof Soszynski, the Polish Experiment. I watched him in UFC 97 & 98, and he is really in his element on the ground, so I don’t miss Matt Hamill too much. I don't expect much from Keith Jardine vs. Thiago Silva. I think either Silva will dominate completely or the Dean of Mean will get lucky with his weird, gorilla fighting style. I don't mean to say one will win or the other will win, I mean it will not be a great fight, drawn out and exciting. I don't even think it will be that good of a match. Randy "the Old Man" Couture vs. Minotauro Nogueira. There is nobody to underestimate in this match. You can say, "Randy is getting old..." all you want, but he's delivering. It will be a great Pay Per View. Worth the $$.

Scream Now, Before the Blob takes your Breath

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:38:00 +0000

Although this sounds like a tagline from a movie, this is a situation that the state of Alaska has found itself in. A mysterious glob of unknown material up to 12 miles long has appeared off Alaska's northern coast. Coast Guard Petty Officer 1st Class Terry Hasenauer says, "It's certainly biological. It's definitely not an oil product of any kind." It was described as think, dark and gooey. It has been reported that there is hair growing on it. Also, animals are turning up in this blob, including jellyfish and the remains of a goose, just its bones and feathers. This gunk, so far thought to be a bloom of algae, is moving with the current.

But this misdiagnosis will lead to the destruction of Alaska. The Coast Guard is going about it all wrong. If they would just throw a recruit in the substance, they would quickly find out what it was. If the recruit resurfaced, covered in the goo, mad and cursing the officers for the guinea pig act, then it’s a stupid, boring biological plop of nothing that will float away and only fuck up the birds, fish and shit. But if the recruit resurfaced screaming in agony, and was and absorbed into the Blob, well it’s safe to say that the evacuation of Alaska is necessary. If the Coast Guard officers have any concern for the safety of the state, they would try to tell the recruit to stop screaming and describe what was going on before the Blob ate him. It’s very damn crucial. Also, if it’s just the current is the only thing keeping this puddle of acid off of Alaska’s shore, then its just a matter of time before the Blob takes to the land and starts pulling itself across the street leaving a trail of discarded bones. Because, if doesn’t want the fucking bones. So, how are you going to kill it? You can’t burn the Blob it only makes it bigger, duh! The only know way to kill/stop the Blob was to freeze it. Well guess what? It built a goddamn tolerance to cold temperatures in Alaska. Now what are you going to do? Don’t except me to tell you, because I don’t know. I’m too busy replacing my plan for imminent attack from Zombies to invasion from an amorphous creature.

Thor on Twitter

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 17:53:00 +0000

Hear me,Twiiter! Too long hast thou stood above all life in thy arrogance! 'Tis time thou wert reduced in stature! 6:02 PM Apr 27th from web

AND 'TIS THOR WHO SHALL SEE TO THE TASK! 6:02 PM Apr 27th from web

Thine have followed Ashton Kutcher. 6:12 PM Apr 27th from Tweetie

Nay, father. Some of us have been killing giants today and aren't in the mood to have a tea party. 11:30 AM Apr 28th from web

@ThatKevinSmith thou a Devil follower? Thou soul should over come such evil. Thou and I will fare well to follow the Ducks.11:38 AM Apr 28th from web in reply to ThatKevinSmith

Bad days are coming. We have seen worse. Brothers and Sisters, prepare yourselves.2:46 PM Apr 28th from web

@Steve_Buscemi Young maiden of Midgard, thy language leaves something to be desired.12:25 PM Apr 29th from web in reply to Bye_Buscemi

The Swine Flu must fall. And fall it shall. - - So says the God of Thunder. 4:37 PM Apr 29th from web

Starbucks, We would have words with thee. Why so tasty yet so devastating to my bowels! 2:25 PM May 4th from web

Thor just took the "Which Country are you?" Quiz and got : Asgard. Try it http://bit.ly/119zSC2:22 PM Jul 13th from web

I grow tired of Father's inglorious, insignificant tasks. Why must I clean the bird cage ? 2:27 PM Jul 13th from web

Follow Thor on Twitter

I Wanna Be a Tarman.

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 18:55:00 +0000

If there isn’t enough room in Hell, just hang out. Be patient. Roam the Earth. But beware. Humans have dealt with you in more ways then one. In Night of the Living Dead, the ghouls were re-animated by a space probe that was sent to Venus and was infected with radiation. When the probe re-entered Earth it exploded, releasing the radiation causing the dead to rise. They were slow moving zombies, easily defeated by a bullet to the head or even blunt trauma to the head. The rest of Romero’s Dead series are the same though the amount of undead grows.

In Return of the Living Dead, the US Military had developed a gas called 2-4-5 Trioxin. This gas made the bag o’ bones live again. But these zombies were not just interested in human flesh, but a certain human organ, namely the brain. They voice this need too. It seems that after being infected by the gas or another zombie, they retain some intelligence. Recalling names of people and even communication why they crave brains. It is really surprising that when you die and re-animate, you are in severe pain. The only way to ease the pain of being dead is to eat brains. But, since you keep your intelligence and maybe want to refrain from eating your grandfather, self-inflicted pain can ease the hunger. Also, these zombies could run, jump and had some strength.

Now put aside the argument that 28 Days Later is not a zombie flick. (Seeing that in 2007 Stylus Magazine named it the second best zombie movie of all time.) There are a lot of differences. For one, you know exactly where the origins of the infected come from. Also, the infected react immediately. Not like other zombie films where you are bitten, then slowly die, then awake undead. In this movie, if you are bit, scratched, spat on, fucked by an infected, you will change in 1minute or less. The infected are fast, strong and not hungry. Anger, hate and just the desire to kill are the issue.

Quarantine is more of a zombie flick than 28 Days Later. In Quarantine, a cult breaks into a military facility and steals an unknown virus which turns them into ghouls who eat their victims. Although you felt bad for them trapped inside the building, it was the smartest move by a government in an event that could cause an apocalypse. You have what if's for camping and what if's for travels and what if's for out to sea. Write a plan for zombie apocalypse. Take account of all the facts. Runners? Walkers? Strong? Stupid? Submit to others for scrutiny. You don't want a loophole. Not prepared = brain tar tar.

Iron Munn

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 19:25:00 +0000

First, a pic of Whiplash. Mickey Rourke has been submerging himself in all things Russia. Learning the language, touring Ivan Vanko's ancestral home. The Crimson Dynamo/Whiplash combination has got me curious about the end look of his armor, and no one is really talking about it. Is he going to have the Crimson full armor with whips? Anyways, with the work Mickey is putting into the character, I expect some scene stealing.

Now on to a Attack of The Show myth. Olivia Munn is the hottest cast member of AoTS. The Consensus of the viewers support this. But that is not everyone's opinion, and certainly she is not the only hot cast member. First of all, the hotest cast member is....... Kevin Piedra!

Look at him. Pointing at me. My man crush with Kevin is only rivaled by Paul Rudd. If Olivia would stop eye humping the camera, you would notice the other hotties of AoTS.

Like Anna David and Alison Haislip and the hotness of Blair Butler

Post Script: This is in no way belittleing Olivia Munn. I am obsessed with her. This is a disclaimer in the chance that she reads this and write me off her list of nerds to have sex with. Visit her website here and obsess away with me.

I'm Jesus, Get Me Out of Here!

noreply@blogger.com (Robert Jennings) — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 18:45:00 +0000

So, after watching “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!” last night, I figured the Westboro Baptist Church probably has a couple recruits. Spencer and Heidi Pratt. Reality shows are best when they have that one or two abhorred people. It’s good for ratings. But I would rather the show take a dive in entertainment value than listen to Spencer and Heidi’s bible spew. In fact, that’s probably what happened to Heidi. Her Body couldn’t take what her mind was producing. Heidi body was trying to expel the ridiculousness Spencer and her were producing. You have to be a fucking tool to think a Baldwin can dip you in water and like magic, you’re a conduit for Jesus. But that is what is great about Celebrities working on these shows, like Celebrity Apprentice. Most cannot help but to act like themselves so you get to see what they are really like. Watching “I’m a Celebrity….” last night gave me the information I needed to make a judgment on Speidi. FAIL!

Biggest reason to watch this show is Sanjaya Malakar. After the buzz in American Idol, Season 6, I couldn’t stand reading, seeing, defiantly hearing about Sanjaya. But he has shined through on this show. He kicks ass on his latest Challenge. He almost beat out everyone on the eating challenge (his mental wall was the bull testicle, but he tried it!). On top of all that, his personality it paramount compared to the other cast. No show tonight due to the NHL finals, but tomorrow, I’ll be watching.